Ally McBeal Moment

--WARNING--

The following material is not meant to offend anyone. However, if you are easily offended, I highly urge you to not read any further and find a highly qualified therapist.

Maybe I'm just out of practice when it comes to higher education, but silly me, I thought I was supposed to be educated when I put down a ransom-sized amount of money as an "investment in my future."

Everyone has to take the Introduction to College Life Class when they start. Makes sense - get your feet wet before diving into imaginary numbers and 1000 pages of literature. I'm in my second week of this awe-inspiring class and had my first Ally McBeal moment. I wanted to strangle someone and rip out their eyeballs. Oddly enough, the topic tonight was about how triggers can make us remember certain memories, which bring about an emotional reaction. My trigger must be long-winded, overly zealous people who are extremely comfortable sharing TMI (Too Much Information).

I get it, people. I really do. You are making a positive impact on your life and have the courage to go back to school. Don't expect me to give you a cookie. (A slow clap, yes, but nothing edible). Also, don't be surprised if I seem disinterested in your overly descriptive narrative. Life isn't easy. Life is full of crap. I get it. We get it. However, I paid someone $100 an hour (before insurance) to talk about my problems and feel heard. I appreciate the healing abilities of group therapy, however, my Professional Development class IS NOT IT. If it's relevant, share it in the following format:

Opening sentence
Body
Closing
(do not repeat)

Do me a favor, please. Next time you feel the need to share I have a few suggestions:

1) Don't open your mouth
2) If you must open your mouth, please don't try to be funny about something horribly tragic. You'll just make it worse.
3) Do not talk in circles. You are not making a point. You just sound like an idiot.
4) Blog.